Monday 01st September 2014,
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Homeland Recap: TURN AROUND!!!!! FUCKING TURN AROUND!!!!!

Adam Goldman December 10, 2012 Television and Film No Comments
Homeland Recap: TURN AROUND!!!!! FUCKING TURN AROUND!!!!!

Lest I be accused of Gloomy Gusism (or, worse yet, Doubting Thomastry), I should start by saying I had never actually bitten my nails in suspense before last night’s [ludicrously-titles] [by them, not me!] episode of Homeland, “The Motherf***er with a Turban.” I wasn’t even chewing the nails, really; I was chewing on whole fingers for a minute there.

That said, the show knows it’s gone over the top, so much so that it’s looking down at the top like, “Is that the top down there? I can’t tell because we’re so far over it.” Which is fine, except that I’m not sure what’s going to happen in next week’s finale that I particularly care about.

The first thing I noticed about this episode was the Double-Stuf™ ‘Previously on Homeland‘ catch-up session. “Ha ha,” I thought, “there must not be much content in the show this week if they’re padding it out with this annoying filler!”

Maybe this seems cynical, but there sure was an awful lot of air in those Brody/Jessica scenes. Am I wrong? You can only hold on Morena Baccarin’s static face for so long before I expect her to apologize and ask what her next line is. Even poor little Chris Brody gets fed up with his own subplot, throwing up his arms and stalking off to play Kuma War before Dana channels the audience’s apathy and tells Brody he should move out because Mike is way hotter not a terrorist not fucking Carrie yet a better dad.

saul interrogation homelandMeanwhile, on the show you’d rather be watching, Saul “The Bear” Berenson is interrogated by Wormy Polygraph Guy, who asks if The Bear is one of Saul’s nicknames. The Bear doesn’t have time for Wormy Polygraph Guy’s bullshit, so he uses his The Bear powers to get in a room with Estes. Estes is the devil now,* so he threatens to get Saul mired in hearing after bureaucratic hearing (or frame him for “providing” Aileen’s means of suicide, which seems pretty flimsy) if Saul doesn’t step down.

The point is David Estes has fucked with The Bear, and as any sane person will tell you, The Bear is not to be fucked with.

I know you’re really here to find out what happened to Carrie after she ran back into that abandoned mill after Abu Nazir by herself armed with a pipe, which by the way is a completely reasonable thing to do. She almost catches Nazir but then she doesn’t.

Then Carrie decides Galvez is a mole who must be secreting Nazir away in his sedan, so they catch Galvez and almost catch Nazir but then they don’t: Galvez wasn’t fleeing the mill with Nazir in his trunk, he just took off for the hospital because his stitches got pulled, and he did that without telling anyone — not so much as a text! — because Galvez isn’t a complainer. Sadly for Carrie, he’s also not a mole.

Carrie interrogates Roya, despite the fact that anyone else in the building would be a better pick for that job (except maybe Quinn, unless you like your captives lightly perforated). For some reason nobody has confiscated Roya’s stilettos, which makes no sense at all. Roya acts emotionally wounded but then it turns out she’s faking it because someone who writes for Homeland really liked the part of The Avengers when the same thing happened. Carrie’s beautiful mind figures out where Nazir is hiding somehow; I didn’t hear because I was puzzling over why Quinn would instruct Carrie to drive herself home after being in a brutal car accident and not sleeping for a few days. Quinn is not boyfriend material.

He does, however, decide to give Roya the Super Soldier Serum from Captain America, or at least I pretend that’s what’s happening because that would be great.

Carrie and one guy (why just one guy? Where are his buddies? Why just one guy?!) go Nazir-hunting in the mill and almost find him but then they don’t. But then he finds them! Twist! Nazir almost kills Carrie but then he doesn’t, because this is now a show about fun things almost happening but then not happening. Instead, Nazir runs but then gives himself up and is shot while reaching for something in his pocket, definitely his Qur’an though they never establish that so it’ll be a deleted scene on the DVD for sure.

Sadly, since the insane death chase through the abandoned mill could only last so long, we have to watch Brody and Jessica call it quits in the Brodymobile before the episode ends. Jessica almost gets to the bottom of what the hell is up with Brody — which is the point of the show — but then she doesn’t.

Brody is feeling, like, sooo liberated or whatever by the death of Nazir that he drives over to Carrie’s house, lovingly strokes her face, and they retire for some “How nuts was that?” sex, pretty much the only kind of sex they’re capable of. Quinn waits outside in his car, wondering perhaps if he should just off Brody and Carrie with one fell swoop and let the show start from scratch next season. Which would be my preference, personally, but then nobody asked me.

Finally we’re treated to a real whiz-bang of a preview for next week’s episode, which promises that “nothing can prepare you” for the season finale. This seems strange to me, since shouldn’t the whole season have been preparing us? And also, as mentioned, Homeland’s recaps are pretty lengthy so surely that will prepare us. My favorite part of the preview is the repeated teasing of someone’s military burial at sea. My money is on Chris Brody!

We’re supposed to be on the edge of our seats wondering whether Brody will make it through the season, but for me the impact isn’t what it should be. Brody will die — all signs point that way — or he won’t (he should), and either way I won’t have much faith in Carrie’s survival skills or on-the-job competence rating.

The whole time Carrie is arguing about moles and mills with Quinn, it never occurs to her to inquire about the whereabouts of The Bear. Keep an eye on The Bear, Carrie. If you and Brody go all Bonnie and Clyde on us, The Bear is all Homeland will have going for it.

-a

*I have a sneaking suspicion that Estes is not the devil. An elaborate “Surprise! David Estes is not the devil!” moment next week seems like the sort of thing this show would do, no? Plus I can’t blame Estes for wanting Brody dead ASAFP. He knows they only have one episode left in the season and I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to watch a third season of Homeland if it’s about Carrie and Brody on the run from the CIA.**

**Unless Saul goes with them and it’s called Carrie & The Bear.

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